Archive for Priorities
The Joy of Giving Yourself
Posted by: | CommentsA dear friend called me this morning to talk. She’s a busy person, and often our conversations are short. We live close to each other though, so we talk frequently. This morning was different, because she didn’t just want to talk, she wanted connection. I could feel something in her voice that made me completely stop what I was doing, and focus on our conversation. It only took a couple of minutes for us to get to the real reason she called.
Her elderly mom, who lives alone in another city, was having some challenges. My friend had been planning to visit her in a few weeks, but was feeling that she should leave earlier than originally planned. She had received a report from a brother who lived nearby her mom. My friend needed to talk about the situation. She was working through her options, and her deepest feelings about what she should do. We spent several minutes going over the situation, and she became clearer. Just talking about the situation to someone who cared helped her get clear on her real feelings.
We all have a lot to do, often causing us to multitask, and to give half attention and effort to many of the routine things we do everyday. We move through things on our lists rapidly, often looking ahead to where we need to focus next. We may not remember something significant at the end of a day, if we haven’t completely connected to it. This is the very definition of overwhelm, the very absence of peace or understanding.
In Surrender Your Agenda: From Overwhelm to Joy, a course I developed for stressed and overwhelmed women, one of the most important choices that I encourage all of us to make is that of being fully present wherever you are, and in whatever you are doing throughout the day. When we are fully present we make a real connection to others and to ourselves. Being fully present defeats much of the overwhelm and stress of our lives, because it allows us to let our minds rest from everything else while we are engaged in what we are doing. Our attitude of mind actually changes when we focus in on what is important for us to prioritize in the moment. When we are present with a situation, a task, or a person our perception is focused on our purpose right here, right now.
We all spend lots of time and energy on the gifts that we give to others during the holidays, or for birthdays, or other special occasions. Becoming fully present with the living beings in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them. Who in your life would receive great benefit from a deep and conscious connection to you? Several people may come to mind immediately. I would suggest to you that everyone in your life would receive benefits from your being fully present in your interaction with them, no matter how short that interaction may be.
We now know that multitasking is seldom effective. The brain cannot truly focus on several tasks simultaneously, and resorts to focusing in sequentially short attentions to each task involved. The greatest argument against multitasking though is that it keeps us from fully experiencing the living beings who give meaning and purpose to our life.
Take the time to be connected to the living beings in your life. Bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice you are slipping into another time or place. Give the gift of your presence to others. Take the time to acknowledge the people who cross your path. They are your teachers, as you are theirs.
One of the greatest joys in life is real connection to others. It is a gift. You can change your habit of mutltasking by choosing to be fully present in each moment. You change your habits by creating new intention and purpose. Take the time today to express real feelings to someone, to understand someone, to be quiet with someone, to support someone, to hold a hand, to laugh together, to share the moment. Live your life fully and consciously. Give your gift of presence to others and to yourself. Give yourself.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Overwhelm Relief
Posted by: | CommentsMuch of our daily overwhelm comes from the very human tendency we have of jumping to conclusions. I know that you do it, because I do it, too! All the time! I decide or judge something before I have all the facts I need to make a good decision.
Our "emotional brains" react to anything quicker than our "thinking brains." Daniel Goleman, one of my great mentors, says this "jumping to conclusions" is part of our most primitive survival response. It can sometimes go into overload and be involved in creating overwhelm and stress for us.
Jumping to conclusions is caused by more than a simple brain reaction. We take ourselves too seriously! This is where anger and fear attitudes can generate. I’m being polite. We fall into the human trap of believing our own thinking, and are suprised when overwhelm results!
A great truth that someone shared with me, sometime, somewhere: "Two or more people have greater access to the truth." We all need healthy feedback, and we need other loving people to give it to us. Loving feedback is one of the greatest gifts we humans give each other. If we don’t get this exchange with others, we start to believe our own stuff! It’s not pretty, and it’s not good for us or for others.
A close friend, who gives good feedback by the way, sent me a hilarious link to a MAD TV clip of one of the funniest men of all time, Bob Newhart. Take the time to watch this video, and be prepared to laugh outloud. I’m giving you the link.
Laughing is so important for us. It works magic on our mind, our body, and our spirit. It builds a stronger immune system, and exercises the heart. It even changes the autonomic nervous system, alters stress hormones and neurotransmitter levels (the substances we need to transmit nerve impulses.) Norman Cousins, in 1976, wrote a great book on the effects of laughter on the health of the body. Check out, "Anatomy of an Illness," especially if you have chronic pain.
Make a Joy Choice for yourself. Start taking several breaks during the day to regenerate your mind, body, and spirit. Do what you have to do to remember….put up reminders, set an alarm…but do it! Overwhelm and stress relief is not just about being quiet, meditating, praying, but also about being a natural animal, laughing and having fun, and interacting with others.
- Put some laughter in a break…you know how
- Talk to a supportive friend or partner…share thoughts & feelings & invite feedback
- Be silly by yourself, with others, with your pet
- Get out of your head & into your heart in your own way
"Believe Your Own Stuff?" (video link for next time you need feedback)
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Choose or Cruise
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As I write this, we’re winding up a Caribbean cruise. It was a great getaway, even though cellphones and computers now operate on most ships. There was a time, not so long ago, when we could cruise away from it all, without a virtual connection back to the real world of home and business. Not so anymore!
These days, cruises are great for all types of people…from the elderly, to kids, to special needs. I love cruises, because I really love the ocean…but the secret reason I love cruises is because I love the lull period, which happens sometime in the middle of the voyage. This mindless time happens when I’m lulled into the peaceful place of not having to think, or steer, or even plan dinner….For a couple of days, I’m just on cruise control.
This glorious time of blissful relaxation only lasts for a brief moment in time, to be replaced by something very different in the last few days we are at sea. Always, predictably, in the last few days of any cruise, my mind begins the gradual shift back to reality and responsibility. Even when I try to stay on cruise control, reminders of work, and of home, start to creep in, and I begin returning to making conscious choices.
I write for people who are developing, and growing, and nurturing their potential and purpose in life. Conscious choice is something I write and speak about, because conscious choice is the glue and foundation of our potential and purpose. Conscious choice keeps us on track, and on course, for creating who we want to be in our lives. Each choice that we make now, appears as our future potential…choices we make now limit, and determine, what choices will be available to us in our future. What we are currently receiving in our present life, we have most likely chosen, and given, in the past.
Because we need to be aware and focused on conscious choice so much of the time, we all need cruise time..a time when we can relax not just our bodies, but also relax our minds and our spirits…times when we can be carefree. The truth is…a cruise doesn’t always have to take place on a ship. We can experience cruise control anytime that we create a space to still the day to day world…we can do that in any way that works for us….any way from gardening, to walking, to bathing, to playing, to sitting. to the The key to turning an ordinary time into cruise time, is the intention we bring to the space. Cruise time must be chosen…it will not appear unless you consciously choose it. The secret to experiencing real relaxation in mind, body, and spirit, is that we must give our full attention, and focus, to what we are doing….we must be totally present….No multitasking, or turning our mind to choices is allowed.
An old friend once said that she liked regular days more than holidays…I never forgot what she said, and I realize that now I find myself feeling that same way. She was a joyful and creative person. She was content in her life. Special days weren’t so outstanding to her, because she loved the reality she had created for herself.…She was a woman fulfilling her potential. When we make choices that bring us closer to who we are in our purpose, we too, will love each day, and be focused in the present.
Could you take some cruise time today? Could you choose a time, and an activity, or a relaxation, which would quiet your mind, relax your body, and refresh your spirit? Could you plan that time into your day? Could it be a gift you give yourself? Could you consciously choose to take cruise time? Go ahead…turn off the world, and sail away! And wherever you are, be there!
When you return from your cruise, notice the souvenirs you bring back with you….I know you brought back some gifts for yourself, too….a few little things like:
Renewed energy
More patience
Sharper focus
New perspective
Fresh creativity
Your presence is important to everything you do. Be present in all your life...and you will enjoy it! Consciously choose some cruise time, and remember your sunscreen! Shine on!
Joy & Blessings, Carole xxx
