Archive for Overwhelm
The Joy of Giving Yourself
Posted by: | CommentsA dear friend called me this morning to talk. She’s a busy person, and often our conversations are short. We live close to each other though, so we talk frequently. This morning was different, because she didn’t just want to talk, she wanted connection. I could feel something in her voice that made me completely stop what I was doing, and focus on our conversation. It only took a couple of minutes for us to get to the real reason she called.
Her elderly mom, who lives alone in another city, was having some challenges. My friend had been planning to visit her in a few weeks, but was feeling that she should leave earlier than originally planned. She had received a report from a brother who lived nearby her mom. My friend needed to talk about the situation. She was working through her options, and her deepest feelings about what she should do. We spent several minutes going over the situation, and she became clearer. Just talking about the situation to someone who cared helped her get clear on her real feelings.
We all have a lot to do, often causing us to multitask, and to give half attention and effort to many of the routine things we do everyday. We move through things on our lists rapidly, often looking ahead to where we need to focus next. We may not remember something significant at the end of a day, if we haven’t completely connected to it. This is the very definition of overwhelm, the very absence of peace or understanding.
In Surrender Your Agenda: From Overwhelm to Joy, a course I developed for stressed and overwhelmed women, one of the most important choices that I encourage all of us to make is that of being fully present wherever you are, and in whatever you are doing throughout the day. When we are fully present we make a real connection to others and to ourselves. Being fully present defeats much of the overwhelm and stress of our lives, because it allows us to let our minds rest from everything else while we are engaged in what we are doing. Our attitude of mind actually changes when we focus in on what is important for us to prioritize in the moment. When we are present with a situation, a task, or a person our perception is focused on our purpose right here, right now.
We all spend lots of time and energy on the gifts that we give to others during the holidays, or for birthdays, or other special occasions. Becoming fully present with the living beings in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them. Who in your life would receive great benefit from a deep and conscious connection to you? Several people may come to mind immediately. I would suggest to you that everyone in your life would receive benefits from your being fully present in your interaction with them, no matter how short that interaction may be.
We now know that multitasking is seldom effective. The brain cannot truly focus on several tasks simultaneously, and resorts to focusing in sequentially short attentions to each task involved. The greatest argument against multitasking though is that it keeps us from fully experiencing the living beings who give meaning and purpose to our life.
Take the time to be connected to the living beings in your life. Bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice you are slipping into another time or place. Give the gift of your presence to others. Take the time to acknowledge the people who cross your path. They are your teachers, as you are theirs.
One of the greatest joys in life is real connection to others. It is a gift. You can change your habit of mutltasking by choosing to be fully present in each moment. You change your habits by creating new intention and purpose. Take the time today to express real feelings to someone, to understand someone, to be quiet with someone, to support someone, to hold a hand, to laugh together, to share the moment. Live your life fully and consciously. Give your gift of presence to others and to yourself. Give yourself.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Overwhelm Relief
Posted by: | CommentsMuch of our daily overwhelm comes from the very human tendency we have of jumping to conclusions. I know that you do it, because I do it, too! All the time! I decide or judge something before I have all the facts I need to make a good decision.
Our "emotional brains" react to anything quicker than our "thinking brains." Daniel Goleman, one of my great mentors, says this "jumping to conclusions" is part of our most primitive survival response. It can sometimes go into overload and be involved in creating overwhelm and stress for us.
Jumping to conclusions is caused by more than a simple brain reaction. We take ourselves too seriously! This is where anger and fear attitudes can generate. I’m being polite. We fall into the human trap of believing our own thinking, and are suprised when overwhelm results!
A great truth that someone shared with me, sometime, somewhere: "Two or more people have greater access to the truth." We all need healthy feedback, and we need other loving people to give it to us. Loving feedback is one of the greatest gifts we humans give each other. If we don’t get this exchange with others, we start to believe our own stuff! It’s not pretty, and it’s not good for us or for others.
A close friend, who gives good feedback by the way, sent me a hilarious link to a MAD TV clip of one of the funniest men of all time, Bob Newhart. Take the time to watch this video, and be prepared to laugh outloud. I’m giving you the link.
Laughing is so important for us. It works magic on our mind, our body, and our spirit. It builds a stronger immune system, and exercises the heart. It even changes the autonomic nervous system, alters stress hormones and neurotransmitter levels (the substances we need to transmit nerve impulses.) Norman Cousins, in 1976, wrote a great book on the effects of laughter on the health of the body. Check out, "Anatomy of an Illness," especially if you have chronic pain.
Make a Joy Choice for yourself. Start taking several breaks during the day to regenerate your mind, body, and spirit. Do what you have to do to remember….put up reminders, set an alarm…but do it! Overwhelm and stress relief is not just about being quiet, meditating, praying, but also about being a natural animal, laughing and having fun, and interacting with others.
- Put some laughter in a break…you know how
- Talk to a supportive friend or partner…share thoughts & feelings & invite feedback
- Be silly by yourself, with others, with your pet
- Get out of your head & into your heart in your own way
"Believe Your Own Stuff?" (video link for next time you need feedback)
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Overwhelm of Information
Posted by: | CommentsSo much of our overwhelm comes from the huge amount of information we process daily! Just keeping up with the daily dose of information we consume is a full time job!
A few years ago, it was estimated that world knowledge was doubling approximately every 6 months. Now the amount of knowledge in the world has sped up to warp speed. We can’t even begin to estimate how much information exists today. It’s no wonder that we’re all struggling with information overwhelm.
When you stop to consider the number of ways we receive information, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Computers, television, radio, newspapers, videos, movies, magazines are only a small portion of what we can expect to hear from every day. We still toss tons of paper that comes to us from marketers and mailings.
What causes real information overwhelm? It results from not having a goal to guard against the confusion of too much information. When we are not sure if we actually need most of the info that comes our way…we become confused. When we never have time to process the huge amounts of info we receive our minds refuse. Confusion results in refusion.
When I was in high school, a slightly older girlfriend offered to take me shopping for school clothes. She taught me something I never forgot. I was a teenager who was naturally impulsive…that is, I didn’t have any goals in place to keep me focused on what I really needed or wanted. She said, "Less is more…choose carefully, and pay real attention to what you select. Make sure that everything you select is right for you, and you’ll enjoy them that much more." She was teaching me about conscious choice. This was very different than my habit of letting things choose me.
Choose wisely from the information that comes your way every day. Be selective. Where are you allowing information to choose you and overwhelm you? You know that your brain will refuse to assimilate too much. Be selective in what you allow in. Value this ability to make conscious choice.
The very best solution is to stop all imput of information for a short time each day. Spend some quiet time without any sound, and without any information coming to you from the outside world. Allow yourself this time to process your thoughts, your ideas, and your feelings. Concentrate on your breathing. Be centered in the information within your own beingness, within your own spirit. Breathe, and enjoy the air, and the beauty of nature. Share energy with your pet. Give yourself space to know who you are.
Take time to be still, to be quiet, and to hear your own heart.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Purpose or Agenda?
Posted by: | CommentsAre you like me? I don’t always take the time to consciously think about what I’m doing, or why I’m doing it…I just do it! I find that I have more things to do, than I have time to do them, and I’m often concerned with just getting things done! Sometimes I need a wakeup call. It dawns 
on me that a lot of the behavior I want to believe is coming from my purpose, probably isn’t from my purpose at all…it’s coming from my agenda.
"We teach what we need to learn," is an old adage, but it’s so true. Will Rogers said something also about learning that really applies to me. He said that there are "ones that learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves." Guess where I am? Standing in line to get to the fence! The good part is…I remember what I learn, and it often shows up in my writing.
What does all this have to do with the subject, "Purpose or Agenda?" Whether we’re actively looking for our purpose, our life purpose, that is, our reason for being here….or, we simply believe that our experience is better, richer, and more fulfilling when we embrace our purpose…purpose is still important to us. Why then, do we get so caught up in our agendas that we lose sight of purpose?
Purpose can be defined as: intended or desired result; the aim or reason for which something is done or is used. Purpose and agenda are sometimes used interchangeably, but they mean far different things. Agenda is: a list, or an idea, of what we want to accomplish. Agendas tend to be personal, not always well formulated, often impulsive, and not based in wisdom, education, or experience. It is our agendas which can lead us to the "electric fences" that Will Rogers spoke of.
A few years ago, I developed a course on overwhelm, for women, because so many people around me were stressed and overwhelmed, and were lacking joy in their lives. It was while I was working on this course, and bringing joy back into my own life, that I learned the difference in having a purpose, and having an agenda. You see, I couldn’t have my own agenda while I was writing the course. The course had a plan of it’s own, and it named itself: Surrender Your Agenda: Overwhelm to Joy. The course taught me how to surrender, to have a purpose, to be focused on a goal, a result, a reason…I was coming from my heart. My agenda, that is…my idea of how, what, why, when, and where, wouldn’t work…that agenda was coming from my head.
Find some quiet time….give yourself permission to see clearly what you need to know. Journal, because journaling will help you dig deeper into what you have hidden from yourself. Quiet your mind, connect with your heart, and allow yourself to know who you want to be in the world. Ask yourself: "Where do I have a unconscious agenda that is not in alignment with my deepest purpose?"
When you check with your heart, and realize that you may Surrender Your Agenda to serve your purpose, you will find that your heart has the perfect answers you’ve been looking for. Joy & Blessings, Carole xxx
Overwhelm of Perfection
Posted by: | CommentsThe agendas in our lives often set us up for overwhelm….and overwhelm blocks our joy!
Agenda: a list or plan of things to be done
We all know that some agendas are necessary. Those agendas that help us keep life organized and running smoothly are important to us. The agendas that we need to uncover and surrender, are those that we adopt unconsciously….they’re the agendas that we may not even realize that we have! They are the ones that don’t help us, serve us, or complete us….they’re the agendas that keep us feeling inadequate and ineffectual. They overwhelm us, and block our joy!
Hidden agendas show up in a multitude of disguises, and unless we look for them, and weed them out, we may not even know they exist, or that they are contributing to overwhelm. Sometimes they appear in self talk. Have you ever spoken these words to yourself:
"What’s wrong with me?"
"I‘ll never measure up."
"I just can’t get it together!"
"Why can’t I do this?"
"I’m a failure!"
If you feel frustrated by these feelings, you could have a popular hidden agenda of perfectionism: a personal standard of a high degree of proficiency, excellence, or skill. The demands you make of yourself are higher than what you would expect of anyone else.
Your agenda of perfectionism may be full blown, or you could have just enough operating to keep you from the joy you deserve, and the joy you’ve earned!
I often volunteer with a personal development group which includes some teenagers and young adults. I always come away marveling at how much I learn from them. Personally, I think that many young people today have amazing depth. What I’m most impressed with is their intention to be authentic.
The great poet, Kahlil Gibran, gave us instruction about younger people when he said, "You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you." Those authentic young people often remind me that they are more focused on being true to themselves, and living up to their own expectations, than many of my peers.
If we are caught up in perfectionism, that is, a standard that we and others, have set for ourselves, we can be our own worst enemy.
When we:
*Frequently compare ourselves to others
*Assume that people are judging us for not being enough
*Feel that others don’t know us as our true selves…….,
We’re not loving ourselves, and we’re not being authentic.
Self love & authenticity are synergistic: The interaction of the combined elements produce a total effect that is greater than the individual elements.
What one thing can you do for yourself today that will demonstrate being true to YOU? Take the time to get quiet and still and Check With Your Heart…..Make a Joy Choice to be the real, adorable, valuable, natural, authentic, YOU!
You (the real you) is important to this planet….and, by the way… I love the real you!
Joy & Blessings, Carole xxx
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Stress and Overwhelm Decaf
Posted by: | CommentsWe enter a state of overwhelm when we exceed the tipping point…that point when even a little more, becomes too much….
Let me say here that I love coffee, and tea, and chocolate, and an occasional soft drink….notice that everything on this list can contain caffeine. I’ve tried decaf, but it doesn’t rock my boat…and….I’m not willing to completely give up something that gives me so much pleasure, and may actually be good? for me in some ways. I want to believe what I’ve been hearing about the benefits of caffeine!
I did make some new caffeine choices though…I limited my intake to 2 cups of coffee a day….with a little chocolate sneaked in 
I know, upfront and personally, why we associate too much caffeine with anxiety fits, bad temper, and meltdown…..Don’t write to me about this…I love coffee, remember?
So I’m making new choices that don’t involve decaf, that version of a caffeinated product in which the caffeine is greatly reduced, or removed. For one, I’m drinking more water at the times of day I would have had a cup of coffee or tea, and that’s working for me.
All this emphasis on my caffeine intake made me think about decaf again, because I always wish that I liked decaf….life would be simpler if I did. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could DECAF other things….what if we could remove the factor that causes us the problem in things other than coffee?
Remember, overwhelm can result from good stuff, gone bad….the overwhelm we experience often results from a tipping point, just like caffeine, or too much of any good thing.
What happens to most of us is that we go merrily along, able to manage some stress, and keep our balance, but it’s easy to get overloaded. Remember, a lot of stress sneaks in, because it’s brought on by good change in our lives. We may think we’re managing the stress overload…..but then we have a little too much stress…a tipping point….and suddenly we’re overwhelmed.
What if we could backup, rewind, and delete, before we get to the tipping point? What if, like my coffee habit, we could allow ourselves a certain amount of stress, and then switch to something better for us? Life would be simpler if we never let ourselves reach that tipping point into overwhelm.
—-Nip Tips—-
- Give yourself permission to see areas where you’re getting unbalanced….Use your meditation, your prayers, your journal, to start to notice your high risk areas
- Make a list of those areas that buzz and juice you….these are areas which you may love to overload, because they initially make you feel good
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Mark your personal calendar for times throughout the year to check yourself that you’re not overloading these areas
Here are some examples of buzz areas for me. You’ll have your own list:
Caretaking: Helping others while I’m neglecting my own needs
Time scheduling: Loading a day, a week, or a month with "Must Do’s" that don’t allow any time or space for relaxation
Stockpiling: Adding more stuff, more supplies, more research, without using up what I have
One of the things we learn in childhood, but sometimes forget, is that it’s a lot easier to maintain our balance, than to restore balance when it’s lost. Make time and make effort to make choices to keep life balanced….As my mother used to say, "There can always be too much of a good thing!"
Joy & Blessings, Carole xxx
Be Present & Look for the Gift
Posted by: | CommentsSome days are destined to stress and overwhelm us. I can think of days in the past, and some coming up, when I would gladly pay someone to "step in and do the day for me!" I can get anxious when I have to discuss a tough subject with someone, and I can get overwhelmed when I have to make a drastic change I haven’t anticipated, and I can get nervous and stressed when I have to begin something new. It’s easy for dread, or fear, or discomfort to creep in.
Whatever the challenge is, I usually don’t have the option not to do it, or not to be it, or not to face it. The universe doesn’t always offer us an opt out. Sometimes the "not knowing" what will take place, and the "not knowing" what will happen afterward, are the hardest parts.
There are many effective things you can do to prepare yourself for a day that stresses you and threatens to overwhelm you: It’s always important to center yourself…to get quiet and still…to ask and accept help from our loving, creative Universe. It’s important to set our intention to have clear perception and right action…..that is, action that is in alignment with our deepest values. Anytime that you set your intention to open up to clear, loving perception and right action, you’re making a joy choice for yourself and others.
I want to share with you 2 simple but powerful ways that will make your challenging day much easier and more joyful….when you make these ideas a habit, life gets a little easier! All of us have heard the words Present and Gift used interchangeably. If you can remember these 2 important words, you’re on your way to having an easier time on challenging days.
***In a moment, I want you to imagine that you are giving yourself 2 things…Imagine that you are giving yourself a present, and you are giving yourself a gift…Remember: Before you close your eyes and imagine this, you’ll open your eyes again after you see the present & the gift!
Let’s open your 1st Present: This present you are receiving is the ability to focus on the present, choosing to stay in the present, and choosing to keep your mind and heart focused on each moment that you exist in during the day. Being in the present, keeps your perception clear by staying out of the "what If’s" of the future, and out of the "why me’s" of the past. Be present to what you must do right here…right now…..and bring yourself back to the present when you get lost. Focus on the present time throughout your day to stay centered and clear.
Let’s open your 2nd Gift: This gift you are receiving is the ability to accept the gift that comes from the challenge you are facing. When we experience fear and anxiety about something, we block out our perception of the good that the challenge may be bringing to our life. When we look for, and receive the gift, that is the good, in a situation or a person, we change our attitude of mind, and open ourselves to more good, to clear perception, and to right action. So if a day of challenge looms on your horizon…Remember the Present & the Gift. These are yours to take home:
I am fully PRESENT, with clear perception and calm mind
I am seeing the GIFT, receptive to more good and right action
You have great contribution to make to this world….You make a difference!
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Can’t Do It Overwhelm
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I’ve had some "Can’t Do It" Overwhelm popping up lately. I’m learning lots of new skills that I’ve never attempted learning before.
I know for sure that I can usually talk myself through intimidating things….so why do I just forget sometimes that I know how to talk to myself???
I want to remind you (and me!) that we can use the same skills we already know to push through fear, when we really need to….whether we’re learning new computer skills, changing jobs, navigating a new place, or attempting anything else that’s new to us.
Here’s a little secret, up front…..
You have to talk to yourself! Ideally, this would be in private, with no one listening, except maybe your cat or dog….They understand completely.
Here’s What to Ask Yourself & What to Answer :
Q: Am I smart enough to do this?
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I know Lucy can do it
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I think I’m probably as capable of learning this as Lucy is
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Lots of people manage to learn, do, or accomplish this
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I know how to get answers if I need them
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If I were really incapable, I wouldn’t be attempting this
Q: What else have I attempted, that compares to this, and succeeded?
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I’ve learned to do things on the computer, DVR, and camera that I never dreamed I could do
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I can concentrate and follow directions
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I feel good about myself when I conquer something new
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Nobody knows how to do it until they do it
Q: How can I get support?
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What online, phone, or live help is available?
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Who can show me the first step, or the first and second, or all the steps?
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Can I trade skill trainings with a friend, or bribe a teenager to show me how to do it?
Q: What am I confused about?
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Do I know what I actually want to do?
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Do I have all the instructions I need?
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Would questions answered make a difference?
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Am I afraid of looking dumb?
Q: How can I move in the direction?
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What one action can I take to start the process moving?
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I’ll start the process by myself, and get help when I need it
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What’s my first step?
All of us have a fear of failure, a fear of not good enough, not smart enough, not skilled enough, not capable enough.…these are fears that are natural to all of us.
People who accomplish amazing things have the ability to motivate themselves to keep trying, and to persist until they are absolutely sure they can’t accomplish a difficult task. Even then, people who go on to do great things, push through fear, and continue….or they find help to do what they want to do. Becoming one of these people is a matter of building an attitude of persistence and faith in oneself, knowing that the worst case scenario may just be getting help if you can’t do it alone…..
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Fear can’t exist where Faith is present.
It’s OK to fail, especially if we learn something in the process, and if we continue trying. A new attitude is built on pushing past the fear, whatever it is based in, and continuing to a point of accomplishment, or pride in oneself, for giving it our best.
Don’t let the big F word stop you….. Frustration can create overwhelm that stops you, and it can cover up the other F word…..Fear!
Talk your way through whatever it is that’s keeping you stuck! The dog will never tell!
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx