Archive for Connection
The Joy of Giving Yourself
Posted by: | CommentsA dear friend called me this morning to talk. She’s a busy person, and often our conversations are short. We live close to each other though, so we talk frequently. This morning was different, because she didn’t just want to talk, she wanted connection. I could feel something in her voice that made me completely stop what I was doing, and focus on our conversation. It only took a couple of minutes for us to get to the real reason she called.
Her elderly mom, who lives alone in another city, was having some challenges. My friend had been planning to visit her in a few weeks, but was feeling that she should leave earlier than originally planned. She had received a report from a brother who lived nearby her mom. My friend needed to talk about the situation. She was working through her options, and her deepest feelings about what she should do. We spent several minutes going over the situation, and she became clearer. Just talking about the situation to someone who cared helped her get clear on her real feelings.
We all have a lot to do, often causing us to multitask, and to give half attention and effort to many of the routine things we do everyday. We move through things on our lists rapidly, often looking ahead to where we need to focus next. We may not remember something significant at the end of a day, if we haven’t completely connected to it. This is the very definition of overwhelm, the very absence of peace or understanding.
In Surrender Your Agenda: From Overwhelm to Joy, a course I developed for stressed and overwhelmed women, one of the most important choices that I encourage all of us to make is that of being fully present wherever you are, and in whatever you are doing throughout the day. When we are fully present we make a real connection to others and to ourselves. Being fully present defeats much of the overwhelm and stress of our lives, because it allows us to let our minds rest from everything else while we are engaged in what we are doing. Our attitude of mind actually changes when we focus in on what is important for us to prioritize in the moment. When we are present with a situation, a task, or a person our perception is focused on our purpose right here, right now.
We all spend lots of time and energy on the gifts that we give to others during the holidays, or for birthdays, or other special occasions. Becoming fully present with the living beings in your life is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them. Who in your life would receive great benefit from a deep and conscious connection to you? Several people may come to mind immediately. I would suggest to you that everyone in your life would receive benefits from your being fully present in your interaction with them, no matter how short that interaction may be.
We now know that multitasking is seldom effective. The brain cannot truly focus on several tasks simultaneously, and resorts to focusing in sequentially short attentions to each task involved. The greatest argument against multitasking though is that it keeps us from fully experiencing the living beings who give meaning and purpose to our life.
Take the time to be connected to the living beings in your life. Bring yourself back to the moment whenever you notice you are slipping into another time or place. Give the gift of your presence to others. Take the time to acknowledge the people who cross your path. They are your teachers, as you are theirs.
One of the greatest joys in life is real connection to others. It is a gift. You can change your habit of mutltasking by choosing to be fully present in each moment. You change your habits by creating new intention and purpose. Take the time today to express real feelings to someone, to understand someone, to be quiet with someone, to support someone, to hold a hand, to laugh together, to share the moment. Live your life fully and consciously. Give your gift of presence to others and to yourself. Give yourself.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Overwhelm Relief
Posted by: | CommentsMuch of our daily overwhelm comes from the very human tendency we have of jumping to conclusions. I know that you do it, because I do it, too! All the time! I decide or judge something before I have all the facts I need to make a good decision.
Our "emotional brains" react to anything quicker than our "thinking brains." Daniel Goleman, one of my great mentors, says this "jumping to conclusions" is part of our most primitive survival response. It can sometimes go into overload and be involved in creating overwhelm and stress for us.
Jumping to conclusions is caused by more than a simple brain reaction. We take ourselves too seriously! This is where anger and fear attitudes can generate. I’m being polite. We fall into the human trap of believing our own thinking, and are suprised when overwhelm results!
A great truth that someone shared with me, sometime, somewhere: "Two or more people have greater access to the truth." We all need healthy feedback, and we need other loving people to give it to us. Loving feedback is one of the greatest gifts we humans give each other. If we don’t get this exchange with others, we start to believe our own stuff! It’s not pretty, and it’s not good for us or for others.
A close friend, who gives good feedback by the way, sent me a hilarious link to a MAD TV clip of one of the funniest men of all time, Bob Newhart. Take the time to watch this video, and be prepared to laugh outloud. I’m giving you the link.
Laughing is so important for us. It works magic on our mind, our body, and our spirit. It builds a stronger immune system, and exercises the heart. It even changes the autonomic nervous system, alters stress hormones and neurotransmitter levels (the substances we need to transmit nerve impulses.) Norman Cousins, in 1976, wrote a great book on the effects of laughter on the health of the body. Check out, "Anatomy of an Illness," especially if you have chronic pain.
Make a Joy Choice for yourself. Start taking several breaks during the day to regenerate your mind, body, and spirit. Do what you have to do to remember….put up reminders, set an alarm…but do it! Overwhelm and stress relief is not just about being quiet, meditating, praying, but also about being a natural animal, laughing and having fun, and interacting with others.
- Put some laughter in a break…you know how
- Talk to a supportive friend or partner…share thoughts & feelings & invite feedback
- Be silly by yourself, with others, with your pet
- Get out of your head & into your heart in your own way
"Believe Your Own Stuff?" (video link for next time you need feedback)
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Connection to Joy
Posted by: | CommentsEarly last Sunday morning, I went outside to pick up the newspaper. I made a smacking noise to call our little night owl cat, Lucy. We taught our cats to come to that sound so we’d never disturb the neighbors.
I heard a faint meow coming from the yard across the street. A big brown tabby came running as if I was her long lost friend. She greeted me with enthusiasm, and enthused herself right into the house, before I could stop her. We put her outside, but she patiently showed us that she knew how to use a cat door, 3 times, with what I think was a smile on her face.
We placed Found signs in the neighborhood, ads in 2 newspapers, and asked everyone we met. No answers. After a week went by, we began to ask our friends if they’d like a new cat. She was everything we described…peaceful, loving, adaptable, friendly, and easy to have around. No takers. Then someone said they’d like to come by and meet her…a potential taker.
Day 8: I woke up in a very funky mood…not sure why. I couldn’t pinpoint what I was feeling…out of sorts? I write and teach Joy…I wasn’t feeling much of it, and couldn’t shake my strange mood. I have just finished my book, The Joy Choice, in which I share how to restore a loving attitude when fear or anger are active in our minds. I took the steps to discover what my present attitude was…it wasn’t fear or anger, but it didn’t feel like love. I was grumpy, weepy, and absolutely down-n-n-n…what was it?
I busied myself, tried to concentrate on writing, tried to prepare for a trip coming up. There was something I hadn’t remembered to do. I got quiet and still and asked Spirit for help. I asked:
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When have I felt these feelings before?
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If I did know what I was feeling, what would it be?
Thoughts popped into my mind of when my dad was dying from cancer. What did this have to do with what I was feeling? I let myself really feel the feelings…sadness welled up in me, and I cried…the feeling was sadness, but there was more….I was feeling love, attachment, and not wanting to give him up. I was feeling that I had to accept my loss and be mature…it was simply what I must do. What did this have to do with a stray cat? That’s when I got it…I didn’t want to make this decision with my intellect. I knew we had 3 cats already, it wasn’t practical, or mature to even consider another. My heart said something else. I decided to share my feelings with my husband, and he surprised me with his answer.
How often do you give yourself time and space to really know what you feel? How often do you check with your heart…your heart does not always appear to be practical, but it understands more than your intellect can consciously know. When you check with your heart, you get the answers which don’t always make sense at first, but they always bring love and peace.
Too many cats? We wouldn’t have made a conscious choice to seek out another one. Our pets have mostly found us..they’ve chosen us. We believe in adopting strays, especially when they are placed squarely in our paths. Many of the best things in life arrive when we’re not looking for them. Let me introduce a new member of the family….We named her…what else? Joy!
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx 
Choice To Be Inclusive
Posted by: | CommentsTomorrow is an auspicious day, in more ways than one…We here in the USA, are inaugurating an international president, and we are shifting into a consciousness of becoming inclusive. Inclusive: including, relating to, comprehensive.
Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, with roots in Kansas, Illinois, and Kenya. He is an American, but his voice is international. His voice, his message of inclusiveness, is making ripples in the ocean of our world consciousness. The elements of diversity of the man who will soon become our president, is a microcosm of the macrocosm. President Obama speaks of inclusiveness, and the world reflects back his message. We are being born anew into one human family.
I grew up in Montgomery, Alabama, USA, in the era of the civil rights marches. I was blessed to have parents and other family, who taught me to respect and love all people, and to respect and love myself. Dr Martin Luther King, Jr’s church was in my hometown. It was a time of jingoism: extreme and emotional nationalism. I remember studying that word, jingoism, in school. I didn’t know then why I would always remember it. Now I understand the changes I’ve seen.
Tomorrow, our country reflects our changing world. We are finally creating a world, that Dr King once described, "a world in which my little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." Children of tomorrow will know that any limitation in their own potential will exist only within themselves. They will grow up in the limitless consciousness of the human family that we are becoming.
Tomorrow, the world is sending us a symbolic message. Those of us who live in freedom around the world have great responsibility now. It is a good time to ask ourselves:
Am I using my gift of freedom to promote love on this planet?
How can I love my neighbors here on the planet?
In the Aramaic language, the language of the greatest prophets who influenced the great religions of the world, a neighbor is : anyone near me, anyone I think about, and their operating selves, and belongings.
There’s a beautiful directive of love that is popularly called The Golden Rule..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Did you know that the Golden Rule can be found in every major world religion? In Buddhism: "Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful." In Christianity: "And as ye would that men should do unto you, do ye also to them likewise." In Hinduism: "Do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you." In Islam: "None of you believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself." Judaism: "..thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." In Taoism: "Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss." These are but a few examples among many.
Remember that you have a whole human family of neighbors. Love them, love yourself, love your freedom, love this planet. Every day, I try to reflect on the words of Richard Bach, on a small plaque that hangs in my kitchen. He said, "The bond that links true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others lives."
Respect and Joy….
Pass it on…Love your neighbors… Live the Golden Rule.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Simple Surrender
Posted by: | CommentsI recently spent a few weeks in China. It wasn’t exactly a pleasure trip, but it turned out to be an incredible experience. I learned a few things about the country, but I learned quite a lot about myself. It took me several weeks after my return home to make the connection to the real benefits I received.
I often do volunteer work. You do, too! We all do volunteer work, even if we don’t recognize it while we’re doing it! 
I decided to help someone whom I met through amazing synchronicity, by supporting her on a trip to China, for medical treatment of her special needs child. I knew all along that I volunteered for a number of reasons…not just to help someone who needed help, but to see and experience the country and it’s people, and because I’m interested in the health treatments there.
I looked at the trip as a positive adventure. The trip was an adventure, but the adventure was in my personal growth, not in the intended experience. We don’t always get what we came for…sometimes we get more.
I set out for my adventure feeling that I was doing a good deed, and that I would enjoy my journey on many levels. I had no idea then, that there were expectations for my support, that I hadn’t volunteered for. I also discovered, to my great surprise, that I had an agenda of my own operating.
I often write and speak about agendas. I even developed a course called Surrender Your Agenda, and yet agendas sneak up on me all the time. An agenda, you know, is born in our minds, and consists of something we think we want to accomplish. That’s why we often call them personal agendas. While I was in China, my personal agenda, ran head on into someone else’s personal agenda. I’ve learned to realize that when I think I know the only way something should be, I need to give my agenda up to a higher purpose…I need to make a joy choice….I made the choice to surrender.
There are many times in life when things just don’t work out the way we imagined (in our wildest dreams sometimes!), times when we have walked head on into a situation which is very negative, even though we know we had good intentions! Are you feeling this? In these situations, we can fight, run, or surrender…..Let me tell you why surrender is the winning move.
Surrender often gets a bad rap. Surrender doesn’t mean lose, in fact, in it’s purest sense it simply means to "give up to." Surrender was the answer in China, because my agenda was fogging up my purpose for being there. My purpose involved being loving to others, and myself. The agenda that existed in my mind, however, consisted of having this be a win/win experience for everyone involved. The dynamics of two opposing agendas was causing friction. I had a choice…to stick to the agenda in my head, or to check with my heart, for an answer. I chose to surrender the agenda, cancel, and give up what I wanted, so that I could remain loving to myself and the others involved. It was a simple choice.
I came home with some incredible benefits. I have no negative feelings about the trip, even though it was far removed from the joy it could have been. I have happy memories, and any angst disappeared when I looked for the good in the situation. I now see the connections that were made ….the beautiful people I met there, who will be friends for life, and the amazing growth and understanding that I gained. The expression, "Go in Peace,’ has a new meaning for me.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx
Pagra is the Real Connection
Posted by: | CommentsI’m so blessed….I have a variety of friends….all types! If you think about it, I bet you have a variety of friends, too. I like many types of people, and you probably do, too. My friends have a variety of interests and personalities, and time spent with them is stimulating. My friends are different ages, cultures, ethnicities, and backgrounds. I can’t think of one of them who is just like me….If I had to spend time with people just like me, I’d be bored!
Friends bring a lot of growth, interest, understanding, and support to our lives. I personally believe that the people in our lives are here for a multitude of reasons, but mostly they are here to teach us, as we are here to teach them.
Over 25 years ago, I studied, and later instructed, a course based on developing loving attitudes. In the course, we used an ancient language, the Aramaic, to explain concepts of what it meant to be loving to others, to ourselves, and to Spirit. Aramaic is a language which was spoken by some of the greatest spiritual leaders of all time, and the language is still alive in the world today.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I love words! The Aramaic language has the most fascinating and complex words I’ve ever studied. The words of the Aramaic are rich in implications of psychology, physiology, and spirituality…translation is difficult to less complex languages.
An Aramaic word, PAGRA, is a principle which I keep alive in my own life. Pagra, in fact, means new life, and it refers to relationships among people.
Pagra is the creation of a new, or third life, or energy, which contains shared values, attitudes, beliefs, and goals of 2 or more people. Every 2 people, or group, shares some values, some attitudes, some goals….and what 2 or more people share creates their pagra. A couple, a family, a team, a group, a parent and child, all share a pagra….anytime we connect to another person, we share a pagra….that is, shared values, attitudes, beliefs, and goals.
Our pagra is living energy….therefore at times our pagra becomes bigger, stronger, and more powerful because we share more values, ideas, beliefs with another person, or group. At other times, our pagra can shrink when we share less and less.
Pagra is easy to demonstrate by drawing 2 (or more) circles…each circle represents a person. The circles move because they are living energy. Where the circles overlap, where people have shared values, the pagra exists. Imagine that 2 people share many of the same values….their circles overlap almost completely…a large pagra. When 2 people disagree, find that they have little in common, their circles move apart, and they may no longer overlap at all….they have little or no pagra.
When we give our attention, our energy, our focus to something in our lives, it grows in strength. When any 2, or more, people, concentrate on the shared values, ideas, and beliefs they share, their pagra grows in strength.
Pagra is the real connection we have with others.
Real connection is an awareness, and a joy choice.
Real connection cannot be made by one person.
Real connection requires 2 or more to make it work.
Real connection means looking for the common ground, the pagra, that exists in what we share with others.
Real connection means looking for the good in others, choosing to see what is good, is loving, is shared.
Choose to strengthen the pagras you have with people and groups you love and appreciate. Find ways to increase and understand shared values, ideas, and beliefs. Your life will be richer for it, and your joy will increase!
Joy & Blessings, Carole xxxx
Synchronicity Speed Dial
Posted by: | CommentsSynchronicity: coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related…..
For a long time, I made light of the synchronicity that was happening in my life. I really started noticing it about 15 years ago, but I know now that it was there all along. Before that, I think that I wanted to believe it was mere coincidence…but the truth is, coincidence is very different. Coincidence is an occurrence of two or more events at one time, apparently by mere chance. I never believed the Universe runs on chance, so why didn’t I believe synchronicity was happening for a reason?
If we’re human, we learn throughout our lives. We can’t avoid it. I’ve always liked to called myself a "lifetime learner," because I like to learn new stuff, and have new experiences. If I get real, though, I have to acknowledge that we’re all lifetime learners, whether we want to be or not. Some of us just happen to believe that learning is what we’re here for.
A few years ago, I began to seriously wonder if all my classes, and books, and lectures could be an excuse for not settling into a real life purpose. Was being that perpetual student a sign that I would never discover my real purpose for being here?
When I started to really hunker down and question myself about things like running out of time, and wasting my life, synchronicity appeared, or maybe I finally just noticed it. It was showing up regularly, quietly at first, barely noticable. I was still able to call the surprises just coincidences, but I couldn’t ignore that I was getting too much evidence for this to be true. I was choosing to ignore what was irrefutable….I couldn’t deny that something very symbolic was happening in my life.
One day, I decided to list some of my interesting coincidences in my journal, with an extra added twist….I wanted to look for connection, and to ask for direction for what was happening, and why.…I had a sneaky suspicion that this had to do with my asking for my life purpose….and I promised to listen to the answers I received.
Suddenly, the synchronicity sped up and increased, and more and more of my life started to connect. I began journaling more, meditating more, praying more. I was asking for direction, and I was listening, and I was expecting to receive answers. Synchronicity had become a speed-dial for me. I was realizing how quickly I could connect to direction when I flipped the switch. That switch was asking, then listening, then receiving answers….and only I could make that connection, or not.
Today, I can’t imagine living without what I once referred to as coincidence. It is such a joy to know that when I connect and cooperate with direction, I have unbelievably wonderful experiences that I wouldn’t want to miss, and would never find on my own.
Pay attention to the synchronicity that shows up all around you….It shows up in the unexplained ways in which you accidentally connect to the people, or the support you need….in the perfect timing that leads you to a particular result….in the needs that are met when you believe they will be, and listen for direction. There are really no accidents. Our loving, creative Universe runs in divine order, perfect balance….and is always inviting you to tune in, and receive all the answers you need.
Pay attention….Ask for help…..Listen for answers…..Act in love.
Joy & Blessings, Carole xx